I’ve been lucky enough to have never been in a relationship riddled with verbal abuse. But I have been around men who have verbally abused me.
Emphasis on have been because the moment I spot these types of men, they can take to next train to Get the Ever Living F*** Out Of My Life town and that’s why I’ve never allowed myself to be sucked into verbally abusive relationships.
But I can see why some other women stay. You accept the love you think you deserve.
I’ll now get into four signs that tell me a man is verbally abusive that I’ve gauged from my own experience.
I don’t know what it is, but I’ve noticed that there’s a common thread among all verbally abusive men I know — and that’s misogyny. Y’know, the type of guys who find rape jokes funny and would even entertain the thought of doing it. Men who expect women to go down on them, but wouldn’t dare do the same for their significant others. The guys who dismiss us when we tell them that something they do makes US uncomfortable (i.e. catcalling). The guys who expect women to accept their whore-ing past, but could never do the same. I could go on and on and on.
It’s not surprising, but there seems to be a correlation between misogynistic men — who seem to lack complete respect for women — and verbally abusive fools.
2. Insults Masked Under Sarcasm or a “Just Kidding”
Okay so I am already insecure enough about my booty. It’s not flat, but it’s not as plump as I want it to be — even after squatting ’til my thighs fall off. A man that I was dating, non-exclusively, knew this about me and once made a snide remark that bothers me to this day. I was at a comedy club and I remember pointing to someone’s burgandy-colored leggings and saying, “Wow! I love those on her. I should get one.”
“Why? You ain’t got no a** for that anyway.”
Now I can take a joke (I’m a big ol’ clown myself), but when you rag on my insecurities, I know you’re doing it to chip away at my self-esteem.
He saw the scowl on my face and he said, “Hahaha! I’m just kidding. I am only playin’ wit you girl!”
For a minute there, you believe that it is you that is taking things too seriously and it is you that needs to chill out. But don’t let him fool you. That was a f***ed up joke because he took something painful that you told him in confidence and through it back at you for his own sh**ts and giggles.
My dumba** gave him a second chance. But let’s just say date three never happened and he is definitely currently imprisoned in Get The F*** Out of Life town.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou
3. They Can Dish It, But They Can’t Take It
How interesting that the same men that just want you to “chill” after insulting you under the guise of a “joke” cannot stomach it when a little jab is thrown their way.
They get angry, they throw tantrums, they raise their voices, they pout, they give you the silent treatment — the usual behavior you’d get from an immature little man-boys.
They act like that because they’re aware of what they’re doing to you — they know that sh** they told you wasn’t no joke. So when you throw that same type of “humor” their way, they can’t take it.
Just another common thread I’ve seen among verbally abusive a**holes.
4. They Talk a LOT of Sh** About Others
They always say gossip is a “female” thing — that is 100% pure, funky,unadulterated, bullsh**. I love a good sip of tea, but honey, some of these nig**s be spilling a whole pitcher of Lipton that you ain’t even ask for.
Every. single. verbally abusive I’ve met talks sh** way too damn much. And it gets to a point where you start to question whether they rag on you behind you back. Answer: They do.
I’ve reasoned that most of it comes from a poor self-esteem. It’s a lot easier to feel better about yourself when you point someone else’s flaws. But unfortunately for these types of guys, it backfires because they still end up looking ugly.
Okay that’s the end of my list, but I want to add one more thing. Verbal abuse is serious. You may think you’re strong enough to take it, but it really does do a number on your self-worth.
They do it purposely. It’s a lot easier to control and manipulate a woman that has no confidence or esteem as opposed to a woman who knows her worth and wouldn’t dare let another man tell her different.
If a man verbally abuses you, do yourself a favor and put his a** on the next train to Get the F*** Out of My Life town, please.
Join the conservation! Are there any other signs I’ve forgotten?