Okay look — I totally appreciate the NYC subway system…
But damnit! It is the devil incarnate!
Yeah, yeah — in comparison to the sh*tty buses that crawl around the city — trains are godsend that can take you from Queens to Manhattan in about 15 minutes. But GOOD GOD at what cost?!
The delays, the congestion, the solicitors, the pushing and shoving, and RATS — its the worst!
Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, here are 5 things I can’t stand about the NYC subway:
1. The I-Don’t-Care-If-I-Kick-You-In-The-Face Street Dancers:
Picture this: Your alarm goes off. It’s 8am. You’re feeling groggy and frazzled. “Oh how I wish I could just have an extra hour of sleep,” you lament. But wait — you then remember that you can catch some more Z’s on the train ride to work.
As you attempt to fall back asleep on your morning commute to work, HIP-HOP MUSIC STARTS BLASTING IN YOUR EARS!
You see a group of men bust into the subway car and start break dancing. They’re swinging on poles and dangling on the overhead handles like a bunch of wild orangutans!
Now don’t get me wrong…
If they want to hustle for a dollar by damn-near breaking their necks while they spin on their heads — fine. Be my guest! But DAMNIT, don’t break mine. And for godsakes, let me get some sleep!
2.The Suffocating Heat in the Summer:
Because the MTA is too cheap to install a cooling system in place for train riders, despite the fact they make like a bazillion dollars each year (seriously MTA? Not even a few fans?), armpit sweat stains become totally trendy during the summer months.
The subway figuratively turns into the Mojave Desert and LITERALLY gets up to almost 122 degrees down there, according to ABC7.
Oh yeah — “hot” is an understatement.
*Tumbleweed rolls by…*
The Wide-Legged Freak:
Listen up, Wide-Legged-Freak. The subway is uncomfortable for everybody — for the person who is sardined between two smelly strangers, for the woman who keeps getting her hand brushed on the pole, for the man who is sitting next to three rowdy, untamed toddlers (Bless you…).
So what makes you think that your comfort trumps that of others sitting beside you? Sit like a normal person, please, and be courteous to other passengers.
And I’m also looking at you, too, bag ladies! Keep your bag on your lap. Just because its name is “Louis” does not mean it deserves a seat.
The Obnoxious Newspaper Readers:
I’m all for updating oneself on current events, but the whole “This newspaper is too big for me to handle, so I’m going to elbow shove you every once in a while” act is getting very, very old. Find a way to fold the damn newspaper so that you’re not invading others’ private space with your pretentious “Ooh! Look at me! I’m reading the New York Times” performance.
The Shoulder Sleepers:
The NYC is inundated with these offenders — the shoulder sleepers. With people working harder than ever to make ends meet, I totally understand that you can’t help but close your heavy, tired little eyes. And suddenly, without any ill-intentions, you end up losing control and you’re leaning into someone’s private space. I get it — I do!
Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t get it.
Come on! Who wants some stranger drooling all over their shoulder? Be mindful of your fellow passengers.
Truthfully, I could go on and on… but to be woefully honest with you, I’m just too lazy to illustrate any more accommodating drawings. 😦
What qualms do you have with the NYC subway? Let me know in the comments down below!