4 Signs Your Significant Other Does Not Want to Commit to You…Ever!
I, myself, am a commitment-phobe. So all these signs are coming from what I personally do to avoid the dreaded “M-word” (hint: Marriage).
- Love is Never “Confused”
The late, great Maya Angelou once said, “Love is many things, but one thing that it isn’t and can never be is unsure.”
I love this quote because whenever I am at a place in a relationship where I’m questioning whether or not I love someone, I know that I’m wasting my time AND his — so it’s time to cut my losses and walk away.
Love is not a confused feeling. It’s certain, it’s straightforward, and it’s very much there — you don’t have to dig deep to find it.
That being said, if a man — or woman — is in a place where they need to “think” or “figure things out” before moving on with you, run! I can say from experience that I’ve been the person that was “confused.” I acknowledged that the person I was dating was a good guy overall, but I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting those “fluttery” emotions of love that people always gushed about. I was attracted to him, but I realized that was it. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him.
If anyone is battling this “confused” state of “love,” it’s best that you walk away — no matter how painful it might be — because it’s actually a terrible idea to build a relationship on a shaky, unsure, uncertain foundation. Love must be pure, full, whole, and true — and you deserve someone that can give you that.
2. Shying Away from Meeting the Family
Don’t fool yourself into thinking that your partner does not want to meet your folks because he’s too “nervous.” A man that truly wants to meet your family may be shy, but he will ask you how he can make the best impression on each of your relatives so that he can get in good with the family.
I, a self-proclaimed commitment-phobe, tried my best to avoid family gatherings with my boyfriend. I didn’t consciously know why at the time, but retrospectively, I know now that I didn’t want to get too close to them because I was afraid that breaking the bond with my boyfriend would be much more difficult if I developed a deep, heartfelt relationship with his parents and siblings.
Not only that, when you bring family into the picture, there is always an overprotective mother or a prying aunt that asks, “So when are you two going to get married and have kids?”
Especially if your partner is a little iffy about seeing a future with you.
So yeah — if you start to notice your partner is not proactive in getting to know your family, he or she is probably a little unsure about whether he or she sees you in his or her future. But also, don’t be a nut and introduce him/her to your family too early.
3. “Let’s Take a Break…”
A male friend of time once told me that he can’t stand the concept of “taking breaks” because it’s really just a person asking for a “hall pass” to cheat and then get back to you after getting it out of their system.
Well…that may be the case for some, but when I wanted a break, I did it for another reason…
I wanted to see how I would feel if I were not in a relationship with this person, but also have the authorization to get back to him whenever I wanted. I wanted to see for myself if I was happier single — without him in my life. And the answer was “yes” I was. Usually, the answer is always yes.
In the future, I will never take a break again. It will just be a break-up because the truth is that anyone who has the audacity to think they can walk away from you AND keep you waiting for them is f***ed up. They’re already fantasizing about not being with you, why would you want to be with them? Don’t expect much of a commitment here.
4. He or She Doesn’t Acknowledge You on Social Media
He or she tries to convince you that he doesn’t have a photo of you on his profile picture because it is a PROFILE photo — it’s just supposed to be an individual…not a duo.
They’re full of sh** and they’re trying to seem as single as possible to other users. The truth is that profiles are a visualization of what people WANT to be, not who they truly are. So if your significant other is appearing to be a lone wolf on his social media platforms, deep down inside, he wants to be a lone wolf in real life.
4. “Why Do We Have to Put it On Paper? Isn’t My Love Enough?”
It confuses the ever living sh** out of me why a marriage-minded person would stay with someone who dismisses the idea of wedded bliss. Um, isn’t there a major conflict here? I’d say so! I am one of those people, honestly, who does not put much weight on marriage. But I also used to be an idiot who would use this to my advantage in relationships where I needed to “buy more time” to determine if my partner was “the one.”
“Marriage?! But I’m not sure he’s the one for me! I really don’t want to get stuck in a situation where I feel imprisoned,” I thought.
“Oh we don’t need to do that. You know I love you. Why do we need some piece of paper and an expensive party to prove that?” I would say.
But deep down, I knew I just did not want to be bound by the legalities of marriage and I wanted to be able to jump ship if I ever finally came to a conclusion that this man wasn’t for me.
Stop wasting your time with someone that’s on the fence about committing to you. And even more importantly, stop fooling yourself into thinking that he or she will “eventually come around.”
Now, to be clear, I’m not saying your partner needs to say “I want to marry you right here, right now” to demonstrate a desire to spend the rest of his life with you (that’s a little ridiculous, especially if it’s a young relationship), but you also cannot ignore blaring red flags that show a man or woman is still “eh” about the thought of a long-term relationship with you.
I’m also not saying every person that dismisses the idea of marriage is a commitment-phobe because that’s not true. But I am asking you to consider two things a) If you yourself want to get married, why are you with someone who would rather get a root canal than walk down the aisle? b) If you’re totally okay with a man who isn’t marriage-minded, watch his actions — not his words — to see if he truly is willing to commit long term.