“Pfft! More Like ‘$30 Comma!'”: My Review of MetroPCS’ $30 Deal

“More Like $30 Comma!”: My Review of MetroPCS’ $30 Deal

The commercials were irresistible! You have some curly-headed nerd that looked like he walked off some teen comedy film with Seth Rogan telling us that you will not pay more than a penny over $30 each month!

MetroPCScommercial

Um hello! Who wouldn’t take that deal?!

So I walked into the store and I was greeted by your typical pushy, perky salesperson with a nametag

MetroBS

I walked up to her and said, “Hi, how are you? I’d like to get the $30 period deal for my phone, please?”

She looked at me like I had five heads!

5heads

That’s when I thought, “Here comes the ol’ bait and switch!”

She said, “Um, well, if you don’t have a MetroPCS phone you have to pay up $50 a month. If you want the $30 period deal, you gotta purchase a new phone…”

30Period

“What happened to $30, period?!” I asked.

Call me crazy, but “period” implies “no ifs, ands or buts!” It implies there are no catches or stipulations in order to grab this deal other than the $30 itself.

She brushed the poster off as if she was saying, “Oh this old thing?”

“You’ll get your $30 deal if you buy a phone from us.”

I said, “Okay, show me what phones I have to buy with this plan?”

She pointed to two low-end smartphones on display. “The LG Leon and the Samsung Galaxy Core Prime”

PhoneShitty

Of course, she tries to convince me to purchase the more expensive phone which was the Samsung Galaxy Core Prime because it’s great for people who use a lot of data and all that nonsense.

But damnit, I am so attached to my HTC smartphone, which is a mid-market device that has been working smoothly since I purchased it last year. It was a tough decision — “Keep my beloved phone and pay $50 every month or shell out $100 bucks for a new phone and pay $30 every month.”

Ultimately, I figured the latter was the best choice because I would save in the long run — about $240 each year.

Pfft!

“$30 period my ass,” I mumbled…

“More like…

30comma

So then, the perky, pushy MetroPCS saleslady tells me that I should get the $40 plan, instead of the $30 plan, because I’ll get faster internet.

I say “no.”

But of course, she continues to pester me, “The $30 plan is reeeeally, really slow. Are you sure.”

“Yes,” I say curtly.

“70% of our customers on the $30 plan find that the internet is too slow,” she said.

“Well I’ll be the 30% who finds it just fine,” I quipped.

Oh, but she didn’t stop there. She went on to ask me the same question in 3 different ways — clearly to make me throw my hands up in the air and say “OKAYYYYYYYY!!! FINEEEE!!!”

But I didn’t. Sorry, I like my money. So…no, I don’t want to pay you $40 a month when I can pay $30 a month. Duh!

“I mean really, if it’s THAT terribly slow, I’ll tack on an extra $10 later on,” I said.

She was pleased with that answer, “Okay…”

So she rings me up for the shitty Samsung Galaxy Core Prime and with a wallop of fees that I can’t remember because I can’t find the damn receipt. But altogether, with the first month’s payment, I paid about $170 for everything — miles away from $30 period, huh?

Aside from the pushy saleslady and the questionable fees, there is a pro. I am only paying $30 a month for my phone bill. Score! The downside?

Remember when the MetroPCS lady told me that the internet was slow? How interesting… So the first month, they offer you speedy internet connection, obviously so you can get a taste of how lightening fast their high speed plans are. And then they just take it all away. And the internet was VERY slow, not like “This is just going to take 2 seconds slow,” It was, “If I go downstairs and make myself a sandwich, if I come back, the page will STILL be loading.” Like even 1999 dial-up was faster than this!

But I decided to stick it through.

Slowly, but surely, my internet returned to normal pace after a few weeks. Not lightening fast, but an actual reasonable speed for a $30 plan. And then it hit me — these motherf***kers slowed my internet to a crawl to make me run back into the store and purchase the $40, $50, or even $60 plan!! But my internet returned back to regular speed in a few weeks or so.

Those sneaky, sneaky motherf***kers!!

And another con?

The Samsung Galaxy Core Prime is a shitfest of a phone with a shitty camera and a shitty amount of storage. I downloaded like 5 apps and my phone was like…

Myphonewaslike

AH well, you win some, you lose some!

What do you guys think about MetroBS’ $30 period plan?

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