How to Spot a Player

Look, there’s nothing wrong with playing the field.

In fact, I encourage it. *Thumbs up!*

But where it all goes wrong is when a man or woman feels the need to manipulate others to get their own personal earthly desires.

There are plenty of people out there willing to give you what you want without needing to lie through your teeth. But instead, through deceptive practices, players get a kick out of sucking their needs out of unassuming victims.

What’s the formula of being a crafty player? Spending as little of your own resources (i.e. money or time) to get something valuable out of someone else (i.e. sex or a new car).

Being that I’ve been played — and even been a player — here are the 6 traits of a low-down, dirty player that I’ve picked up from my own experience.

Intermittent Texting


Connor is not the least bit busy.

The number one rule of being a player? Be elusive. Never be totally available and always leave the victim hanging during the climax of a conversation. Why do players do this? Well, think of it this way: Even outside of the dating world, anything that’s difficult to attain is highly prized and desired — a medical doctorate degree, an $8,000 Birkin bag, a Manhattan condo, etc.

In the same way, a man or woman that’s difficult to get a hold of, but periodically pops up in your life, is subconsciously more desirable than other suitors that are — well — “always around.” Victims assume that unavailability = prized possession, but little do they know that the player’s just playin’ em. I promise you — he (or she) ain’t all that “busy” at all.


Butters You Up With Compliments


In line with the player formula (expending the least amount of resources to get what you want), “buttering” people up is the best way to save your goods, not spend a dime, and acquire your desired treasure. So, at lot of the times, players see their victims as robots — some sort of machine that, if you put enough “compliment coins” in there, you’ll get your reward.

But, just like a vending machine wouldn’t accept a sh*tty counterfeit coin, compliments have to feel genuine — and that’s where the player expertise comes in. There’s an art to buttering people up, which I will explain in the next section.




In order to make their compliments seem genuine, players use a tactic called “negging.” What’s negging? Well, basically, they’re backhanded compliments OR ways to make a woman feel less-than-worthy so she develops intrigue in the guy that’s seemingly uninterested in her. Let me give you an example of the latter.

A guy once told me that beautiful girls are used to so much attention, that, when a guy seems uninterested in her — she’s intrigued. “What is it about this guy that he’s not fawning over me like the other weirdos?” At clubs, when there’s a group of girls, he would purposely ignore the prettiest one — the woman he is most attracted to — and shower her friends with attention. A lot of the times, the woman he had his eye on ends up vying for his attention by the end of the night.

A neg could also be a compliment with a little bit of shade. Example:

Woman: Do you like this dress on me? *spins*

Man: It’s nice, but honestly, I’ve seen better.

Going back to the “buttering up” section, negging makes a man’s compliment seem genuine because he comes off as an honest guy (even if he’s just being a sleazeball). A guy that finally stops and stares and goes, “Wow, babe, you look phenomenal today…” It seems more authentic because he had no problem being brutally honest in the past.


Netflix & Chill


Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a late night rendezvous. If you’re both very clear about what your intentions — just a plain’ ol good romp in the sack — no worries!

But if you’re expecting more out of man or woman, and all they can come up with is “indoor” hangouts…where you have to waste gas or public transportation money to get too his or her place…well, sorry to say, but you’re being played.

Indoor hangouts are a player’s sanctuary because a) there’s no risk of another one of his or her victims spotting him or her with you and b) it’s of no cost to him while he or she lays back and waits for you to come with that “good, good.”


The Illusion of Mysteriousness


Every seasoned player has a bit of a mysterious aura…

As humans, we’re naturally curious. And things that pique are interest are more likely to keep us coming back.  It’s why your favorite TV drama keeps you hangin’ with a cliffhanger episode — to entice you to tune in next week!

Honestly, this “mysterious” player — if you peel back the layers — really isn’t all that interesting. And he or she knows that, but they keep up the illusion because you’re more likely to give the shirt off your back to know what this person’s all about.


Selfie Dodging


Expert players HATE taking photos. Why? Because there’s a chance you could f*** up his or her game by posting it on your social media page. And he or she’s “I only got eyes for you” jig is up. His or her’s victims will see that he or she is FULL of sh**.

Spotting a player is easy. The red flags, no matter how surreptitious they may try to be, are always there. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into doing anything under the guise of bullsh** promises and phony, ego-stroking compliments.


Anything I’ve left out? Comment below 🙂


3 thoughts on “How to Spot a Player

  1. mon1987 says:

    I love your blog so much. Finally a blog that speaks to me. I’m so over online dating but I don’t want to be single anymore. I want a family and kids and of course as I hit 30 I have absolutely nothing. Dating inside my race has not proven fruitful but hook ups have. Never to stay around. Like wtf?! Tried to be a player but that didn’t work. Ughh I don’t get it. Let’s not get started on how black guys aren’t really into black woman anymore?! Like HELP, this lady needs it!


    • kimgedeon says:

      Wow thank you so much darling for the love! Girl, you don’t need help. You’re fine. You’re beautiful. And trust me when I tell you the right one will come around when you least expect it. It’s cliche, but once you start focusing on yourself (career, self-indulgence, self-care, self-love, travel) — and not the little boys out here — you’ll attract Mr. Right.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s