Okay so let me tell you what inspired me to write about this.
Every so often, I’d stumble upon someone saying, “Oh my god! Who could EVER cheat on HER? She’s so beautiful.”
I recently watched a Christina Milian interview where women all over the comments section could not believe their ears — someone cheated on Christina Milian? HOW? WHY? She’s gorgeous!
The same has been said for Amber Rose, Halle Berry, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Aniston — I mean really, the list is exhaustive. I could go on and on.
But it’s like, when are people going to learn that cheating ain’t ALWAYS about the woman not being beautiful enough? In fact, it’s far from being the most common reason. The truth is, most times, cheating is about ego. And I have a personal anecdote that can shed light on this:
I have a goofy friend named Tanner — a self-proclaimed geek; he’s half Cuban, half Greek. He’s always been infatuated with a woman named Lisa. She was a beautiful, curvy Latina with a full head of luscious curls and some sass to go with it. She very much reminded me of Jordin Sparks, actually.
Tanner, however, was your typical nerd. He didn’t like to go out — he loved watching cat videos on YouTube, he played games like World of Warcraft and Zelda, he loved Anime and cosplay, he was far from athletic (he hated working out), and he worked at a Toys ‘R’ Us.
To give you a visual, he very much reminded me of Nick from the FOX TV show “New Girl” physically — just shorter and skinnier.
Tanner dreamed about getting with Lisa for years — YEARS. He LOVED this girl. But every time Tanner made a move on her, she kinda flinged him aside. After all, she knew how fine she was; she wanted to get with an Alpha male. Not a guy who watches cat videos during his free time.
But Tanner was persistent. He wanted her. He would adorn her with gifts — candy, chocolate, flowers…and even a HUGE package of Ramen Noodles because she was dorming at a university.
Yes, Lisa was a bit overwhelmed with all this love at first, but in seeing how incredibly sweet Tanner was to her, she finally caved. “Y’know what? Let’s do this. Let’s make this work. I’m totally willing to give you a chance :)”
Tanner was on top of the world. He had the woman of his dreams.
…until he lost her a year later after cheating on her.
You see — I knew Tanner to be your typical “nice guy.” He was an absolute sweetheart and a gentleman, but his self esteem was rock bottom. Did you guys get that? ROCK BOTTOM. I vividly remember this one time, before he got with Lisa, he actually cried to me on the phone telling me how upset he was that women only ever saw him as “a brother.”
This was true. I, personally, saw him the same way, too. The reason behind this was because he would sort of play “therapist” with girls. He would listen to their issues with great concern to a point where the girl could no longer see him as a viable candidate for anything more than just a friend.
For all he knew, women didn’t want him. He was just a nerd.
But then he got Lisa. And he finally felt like a “manly man.”
Then he realized he wanted more.
He wanted the attention of more women — more, more, more!
He wanted to feel like the “big man on campus” that he never got to be.
He wanted to feel like the Alpha Male he dreamed of being.
He wanted to be the guy he was always jealous of — the guy that every girl wanted.
So even though he had what he always wanted, gushed over how perfect Lisa was physically and mentally, and expressed how much he LOVED her, he STILL felt inadequate– he craved validation from other beautiful women.
With his new found confidence, he was chatting up other girls, flirting with them, and even getting physical with them.
“Don’t get me wrong,” he’d tell me. “I love Lisa and I’d never want to let her go — but goddamnit I love proving that I could score another beautiful chick if I could.”
I nodded and said I understood. And I truly did. It was the first time I understood that nebulous quote everyone spews out: “You can’t love someone until you love yourself first.” His insecurities caused the downfall of his relationship.
He did eventually get caught — as I knew he would. Let’s be honest. Most guys aren’t the best at cleaning up their tracks.
Tanner had forgotten that Lisa had access to his Facebook account, and one day, she decided to do a little snooping. And, to her dismay, she found a lot of incriminating evidence against Tanner — she was devastated to find a slew of inappropriate messages detailing what he’d been doing behind her back with other women.
One of them happened to be one of her friends!
She did break up with him.
Lisa said to me one day, “*Bawling* I thought he was one of the good guys — a guy that would treat me right! I thought I’d give him a chance because I always go for the sleazy, Thor types, and I thought that maybe — just MAYBE, he’d be different. But no, I guess all guys are out to break my heart. Nerd or not.”
Poor Lisa 😦
I don’t believe that all guys cheat — only because I believe it depends on what dynamics are at play in that person’s environment. This will tell you whether a guy is inclined to be unfaithful. Here are a few examples:
Does he/she even have options to cheat on you? Celebrities, for example, are more likely to step out because their options widen tremendously.
Is he or she secure in himself? Many people seek to coddle their egos by getting validation from other romantic interests.
All in all, Tanner was young — and still is. He clearly needed to fulfill heart’s desire for many women to feel secure in himself. His best option is to stay single for now. He can go “thottin’ and boppin'” around town as long as he doesn’t hurt anymore Lisas along the way.