I was on my way to a friend’s apartment complex in New York City, which has a front desk – or a concierge – if you want to get fancy.
The man sitting at the front desk gaped at me as I stumbled through the double doors and trudged through the ornate lobby. I thought, “I got lost looking for this f***ing apartment for a half hour, I am sopping wet from the pouring rain, and I look like a hot mess – of course this guy is lookin’ at me like I’m crazy.”
I shake off my embarrassment and walk up to the front desk. “Hi,” I mustered out. In between breaths, I tell the guy that I am heading up to meet with my friend Sheryl. He nods and tells me that she’s been expecting me, but he, on the other hand, wasn’t expecting me…to be so pretty.
With music playing in my ears and being self-conscious about my entrance, I heard, “I wasn’t expecting you…to be such a pity.”
And then I huffed and puffed and went into a whole rant about how I got lost and how I didn’t have an umbrella and how the subway sucks.
He used his hands to make a circular emotion around his face. “I mean your face, mami. You look nice.”
Mixed with a whole new level of embarrassment – now melanged with shyness and flattery – I meekly said, “Oh…thanks.”
Admittedly, I needed the compliment. It was a rough day.
“Are you single? Would you mind if a fine Puerto Rican nig** like myself took you out to dinner one day?” he asked.
I looked at him. I smiled. “Well, he’s not exactly my type,” I thought, “but I am willing to give it a chance. After all, he did add a little sunshine to my rainy day.”
I told him that I was indeed single and that I would absolutely love to go to dinner with him one day.
“Great! Let me put my number in your contacts,” he said.
I hustle on up to meet my friend Sheryl because I am super late – and I really don’t like being late.
Of course, I tell my friend about the peculiar exchange I had with Stephen. Yes. That’s his name.
And, lo and behold, while I explain the occurrence to Sheryl, he sends me this text. And yes, this is a true screenshot right from my phone:
I thought the request was so outlandish I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry out in horror – I mostly did the former.
I was laughing at him. Heartily.
Good on him for being honest because it saves me the whole ordeal of finding all this out when it’s way too late. But at the same time, Stephen requesting me to be his “other woman” was preposterous! It’s the equivalent of my employer asking me, “Hey, would you like to work for me for free?” Are you INSANE?
What benefit do I get from slobbing the knob of some male receptionist who wants to drag his penis through every wet cavity that walks through the apartment lobby?
And I must wonder how Mr. Stephen would react if the roles were reversed and I asked HIM to be a part of my Penis Posse, but he’d have to stay single while I enjoy my harem of manwhores.
My friend Sheryl, on the other hand, was not amused.
She also has been propositioned by a handful of men this year to become a man’s afterthought.
Sheryl said, “They’ll tell you they’re with someone and they assume you’ll be all ‘I’m glad he’s truthful and I wouldn’t mind being second place to a guy that’s that honest.'”
“Plus,” Sheryl added, “They have the added benefit of telling you, ‘Well, you already knew what this was when you got with me’ should an issue ever arise.”
But here was an interesting point Sheryl made: She said that a lot of men that do have side chicks are in some position of power (aka they got money), so they are able to – er – compensate the side chick for taking on such a lowly role. Truth be told, the ol’ Hugh Hefner wannabe who works at WalMart can’t afford a side chick.What makes a man think he’s entitled to having two women while his women should only get HALF of him?
To say that I’m baffled is an understatement.
Sheryl and I both agreed that such a proposition insults our intelligence. How dumb do you think I am to say yes to a request where I get the short end of the stick?! Wtf did he expect me to say, “Yes, Stephen! I’d LOVE to be with a man that has a community dick. Sign me up!”
What do you guys think?