Hi, I am Kim.
I trust no one.
I think every guy that approaches me has some sort of ulterior motive.
He either wants to simply f*** me once and ditch me when he gets the chance.
Or get into a relationship with me to give me a false sense of security, f*** me until he gets bored, and then move on to his next victim.
I’ve never experienced these scenarios, so I am not embittered by the past. But I have witnessed many others – friends and family (both men and women) – go through these heart-cracking experiences.
But then again, I’ve never experienced much of anything lately because I am so paralyzed by mistrust and apprehension.
I need help!
Part of me thinks I am justified for being so guarded – I’ve seen many people fall victim to “lovers” who leave ‘em high and dry after they’ve snatched what they want. So isn’t it my right to screen and vet my love interests to high hell ‘til I can finally feel safe and secure?
But another part realizes that I am chained to a vicious cycle of “analysis paralysis” where my endless probing and delving gnarls my discernment to a point where I would even see Mother Theresa as a snake.
A man makes one wrong move and I’ve already tagged him as a vicious serpent simply out to slither into my Garden of Eden.
1. When a stranger approaches me on the street. I think he has zero good intentions. Why? He only approached me because he was sexually drawn to me. And the type to go “hunting” out on the streets are usually cads that try to see how many women they can stuff each week anyway.
Conversely, if a co-worker, for example, asks me out after a couple months of getting to know me, he gets my vote. 🙂
2.A man who claims to only date “perfect” women. There’s nothing wrong with seeking out women you’re attracted to, but I get wary when I hear a man say he is looking for a woman who is physically perfect. It tells me that he’s more worried about having a trophy on his arm that he can bang every once in a while than actually building something of substance.
3.A man with a bad reputation of having “community dick.” ‘Nuff said. I don’t want a guy who has a schlong that belongs to the world. Major red flag for infidelity.
4.A man that manipulates by engaging in power plays and one-upmanship. He’s the guy that prowls through pick-up artist forums and thinks 48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction are his bibles. Find yourself in too deep with these unscrupulous types and you’ll have a hard time crawling out.
I can go on and on really… I know, I know – you might think I’m sort sort of paranoid freak. But – I mean – I know already this. Like I said, I do need help.
But then I realized that with love and relationships, I can’t keep one foot in and one foot out forever.
I am realizing that with love, it’s all or nothing. It’s either you’re in or you’re out. Any man with good sense will ditch woman who is sitting on the fence, paralyzed by fear, uncertainty and suspicions. The smart ones – the good ones – aren’t going to wait for me to pull my other foot all the way in.
Maybe – just maybe – the best type of love is the kind where both parties jump in and take a leap of faith – even if there isn’t a security net waiting for them at the bottom. It’s like investing all your savings into one stock and hoping luck is on your side. It’s like relying on an enemy to catch you during a trust exercise.
It’s a huge risk. But hello, isn’t that what unadulterated love is? You can play it safe all your life and not get hurt, but whoop-dee-doo, you win nothing. But then again, you can put all your eggs in one basket and end up losing everything.
Scary isn’t it?
Truth be told, I don’t know if I have enough courage to plunge into a relationship without protective gear of vetting my love interests to death.
In America, you’re innocent until proven guilty. But in my world, all love interests are guilty until proven innocent.