Sex With Keloids

When it comes to my sex life, having keloids has been a blessing and a curse.

I’ll explain what I mean in a bit.

I’ve been battling keloids since I was 15 years old, spending thousands on every “treatment” out there on the market.

I foolishly fell for the latest anti-keloid “innovations” when I knew, deep down inside, these “keloid specialists” were just feeding me false hope, but sucking my bank account bone dry.

I’ve done it all: laser treatments,  surgery, injections, cryoshape … everything!

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Now that I’m 25, I’ve come to grips with the fact that I have to learn to live with these things. As for now, there is no cure, especially when my keloids have grown this large and this bulbous.

Now I bet you’re wondering why I say my keloids are a blessing because, surely, they’re a curse, right?

Well, when I sit down and reflect on the men that have sauntered in and out of my life, I can’t help but wonder …. If I had keloids, I would have given myself up – the cookie jar and all – to men that wouldn’t be worth it.

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I would have succumbed to desire very quickly with these not-so-great men, only to be left with life-long scars that would have been much more painful than my keloids.

Having keloids forces me to be extremely judicious and selective with my partners. If I didn’t have keloids, I would have allowed my horniness to do all the thinking. Not the best judge of character if you ask me!

As much as I hate being so restricted by my keloids, I realize all the heartache it’s saved me by waiting and vetting potential partners, and then thanking the heavens that I didn’t sleep with them when these men show me their true colors.

When it comes to sex partners, due to my keloids, I am forced to seek men that have these three qualities:

  • A man who seeks commitment and monogamy
  • A man who is not superficial
  • A man who knows how to handle a woman with a delicate self-esteem

If I didn’t have keloids, I don’t think these qualities would be a priority for me. In my heart, I want to be free and do whomever I want, when I want. But my mind is saying, “Hell no!” The truth is, even though that uncommitted guy may leave me in the dust simply because he wants to remain unattached, my mind will say, “He didn’t want to stay with you because you’re an ugly b***h with keloids.”

That’s why footloose guys must be weeded out of my sex life.

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Superficial men are an absolute no-no. These are the type of men that will threaten to leave their wives for gaining too much weight after pregnancy. They are the type of men who will control a woman’s appearance, even down to her hairstyle, because they believe that her image is a reflection of their social status. I’ve unfortunately encountered so many men like this.

They falsely assume that I fit their “fantasy” of how a woman should look, but oh ho ho, they have no idea what horrors lie underneath my clothes.

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These are the type of men that will scrunch up their faces and say, “Ew” when you show you’re your most flawed part of you, leaving you feeling undesirable and unwanted. They don’t care that you’re a funny girl who can make them laugh their asses off, or that you can cook a mean baked ziti, or that you are sweet person with a heart of gold.

Superficial men don’t give a sh** about that.

In knowing that they expect a certain “standard” to their woman’s appearance, could you imagine how they’d react to my keloids?! So yeah, superficial men – out of the question.

And finally, I’d need to find a sex partner who has enough emotional intelligence to understand that a girl like me – riddled with flaws – has a delicate self-esteem. Forgive me – sometimes I come down with the blues because I have a skin condition that refuses to go away.

Having someone who is supportive is essential, I guess.

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I was lucky enough to find a man that had all three of these qualities. That’s where the “blessing” stops.

The ultimate curse of having keloids is the psychological toll it takes on me. I just couldn’t fathom the thought of someone so amazing being stuck with a woman like me. The keloid sufferer’s mind just can’t wrap their head around the fact that someone could possibly want them, flaws and all.

And so, I had to let him go.

“Go find someone with perfect skin. You don’t deserve me.”

I pushed him away, and he persisted. He wanted to stay.

“No, you’re delusional. How could you possibly want someone like myself?”

But he did. He actually did, but my mind was – and still is – so warped and twisted with a monstrous, grotesque image of myself. I was losing my mental sanity, and it was in my best interest to walk away.

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You see, when a man chooses to engage with a keloid sufferer like myself, he’s not only dealing with a woman who has keloids, but he also has to endure being with a woman who has a f***ed up, negative thought pattern and sh** poor self-esteem, too.

How could I put someone so amazing through that?

Since then, I shudder at the thought of becoming intimate with someone again. I know how to “vet” and “analyze” a man to know whether he’ll be understanding of my keloids or not, but now there’s a new problem.

Even if I do find that special someone again – someone I can feel comfortable having sex with – I don’t think I can ever convince myself that I deserve someone so wonderful.

They deserve better. 😦

Update: As a writer at MadameNoire.com, I’ve written an article called “How My Keloids Have Been a Blessing in Disguise.” It’s a newer, more positive perspective on how I’ve come to grips with my skin condition.

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29 thoughts on “Sex With Keloids

  1. mon1987 says:

    I absolutely love your blog. I follow it and u can’t wait for the next blog. I’m up at 4am because I can’t sleep anymore but girl keep going and know that’s it possible for a man and men to love you. Because face we are all different types of Beautiful. Flaws and all and and guys sometimes don’t give a fuck with what we insecure about and just want to have sex and make you feel desired. I empathize with you lady! I got rolls massive and my ears kleloid but that mess with me and my left foot has a massive scar people always stare and I’ll never get over it. Don’t let ur dim your shine girl! Like I said keep going and remember to kick ass and have mind blowing sex too. Standards and all you deserve the best!

    Like

  2. mon1987 says:

    Girl! Let it be known you are desirable! Flaws and all. You are desiring of the best sex of your life. I know that you feel that sometimes you aren’t based on physical appearance at times. Let me tell you… I have self esteem issues still at 30. I have kleloids on my ears from infection, I am 50lbs overweight and a massive scar that looks like a massive snake. I’ve been embarrassed and moritified but I learn that my days are some better than others and that’s honestly boo. Like for reals and I want you to know that I love your blog and look forward to reading your post. You have people out here that you inspire. I know you deserve a man that loves you. Like deeply loves and desires you just the way you desire him. Not just for sex but for love … that understands your pain and insecurities lady! Take it one day at a time. And remember that you too are desirable and sexy. I know It may sound corny but we have to love ourselves PERIOD! I have to take my own Advice. Listen girl you inspire me! ✌🏾❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kaian says:

    Thanks for sharing your story. You seem to know how to protect yourself from those who are too superficial to merit your emotional investment, and that’s already a giant step. Another important step (arguably the more difficult one) is knowing how to protect yourself from yourself. I often think we can do ourselves far more damage than any other person could. I don’t have keloids, but I’ve had fairly obvious keratosis pilaris (another unsightly skin condition) since I was young. I won’t go into any armchair psychoanalysis, but much of the work I’ve done on myself (reading, psych courses, therapy) has focused on realising and really anchoring in my brain a sense of my own value, despite blemishes. One’s way of thinking plays a large part, and you seem to recognise that too – so power to you.

    Like

  4. Se'Quasha Smith says:

    I wasn’t expecting to have my mind blown on a Friday morning! This post was incredible. I could definitely relate. Just know that you’re fucking gorgeous and that you deserve the best. Yeah, we’re sufferers of a painful and chronic condition, but we are still so deserving of all the great things that life can offer. Accepting these scars and accepting myself unconditionally is a part of my daily journey. Some days it’s hard, other days I understand and accept just how amazingly dope I am. Lol. Don’t ever forget that you’re amazing. Loved this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Shelly says:

    Hi! I remain chaste but I admire you for letging us know your perspective on this. Girl, I accept you and I want to be your friens. Just know that even if it is hard to believe, it must be the truth that there’s going to be someone meant for us, to inspire us and just accept us with all our insecurities. Guess what, the blessing upon blessings will not cease to flood you. That person’s love cannot resist but mkve you to be a better person, inspire you to have a healthy diet, exercise and all! Who knows, that healthy lifestyle is key to your skin and spiritual healing? By the way, I have keloids, too. Don’t forget to first accept and love yourself, so it would be easier go let someone in to your life. You are beautiful! Keep in touch!

    Like

  6. Aiza says:

    I salute you for speaking out this topic. I for one know the burden of suffering with keloids and scars. I may feel cursed for having them but on the brighter side, it have prevented me from engaging into intimate relationships and have made me concentrate into building up myself and other important things in life. I do believe that true love would see us beyond these keloids and scars strong enough to cast out the cursed feeling embedded within us.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Kalista says:

    Thanks for sharing this, I have keloids on my chest, back and the jawline if my face, and I can really relate. As a widow that’s in my 40’s, kids grown, lots of time for me now…I’m in my prime for enjoyment and meeting new people, but that’s a major fear of mine. I live in the southwest Louisiana where there are a lot of creole, African Americans can pass for white, they even have the eyes and hair. As for me.. with my ebony skin, and a keloid on my face, I obviously stand out among them, so its hard to get acquainted with someone. But I know that I’m a career driven, independent, funny, loving person with the scars on my body, I have good days when I’m flirty, but I have days when its Netflix and chill, especially on the stinging and itchy nights, I dont think men of today could tolerate me putting on creams, oils and taking pain meds so I can rest. But I really enjoyed your blog and will be looking forward to reading many more!

    Like

  8. Matt says:

    Hi Sweet! I’m male, 30 years old, suffer from Keloid condition myself and have one keloid on my jawline and two keloids on my back, one on each shoulder. It is not only, that it lowers the self esteem but also leaves us anxious on if the keloids will eventually stop growing or not. I know your struggle and the fact that it is almost impossible to date somebody without being ashamed. But in fact we have to! Nobody notices our keloids like we do. We tend to be looking always at first at our keloids. Other people instead perhaps will not even notice it. You are very beautiful so you shouldnt mind at all. A man who does give up on you because of your keloids defenitely is not worth your love and affection. Keep being yourself under any condition! 🙂

    Like

    • Kimberly Gedeon says:

      Thank you so much for your encouragement. I’m glad you can see where I’m coming from – and I hope I can grow to become more confident in myself like you are. 🙂

      Like

  9. Sharon villa says:

    Ugh I have two keloids on my bikini line and have such a hard time being intimate. This made me feel so much better about myself. Even though it’s something you can’t control it still takes a toll on your confidence. Sorry to ask but do you wax over them? I’m kinda scared to but shaving isn’t an option for me. 😦

    Like

  10. Mollie says:

    Hi there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll definitely digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I’m confident they will be benefited from this site.

    Like

  11. Aakash Patil says:

    I’m deeply affected with your blog..It has really boosted up my confidence to a great level. If u don’t mind I would like to contact you plz. I’m really looking forward to it.

    Like

  12. Donna S says:

    Finally someone who understands the way I feel. This is my daily battle. I had keloids since I was 12. I had so many heartbreaks and let down that I put even friendships under a microscope. Often felt I am the only one in this fight. I some what learned to live with them but some part of me wish I was normal. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

      • mon1987 says:

        Hey girl ! I love reading your blogs! I love being updated! You are brilliant and your smile is infectious! I love to see your smile via insta. You give me hope ! If I say nothing Else “don’t ever be afraid to be loved or to get love” we are all deserving of it. Don’t let your keloids make you think anything different !

        Having high standards are amazing. I need to take some advice from you girl! This dating game is crazy and some of these guys are straight assholes! I had an experience with a shitty dude this summer. Two months of my life wasted. Thank god I have some good dudes that give me hope ! But as you know this love thing is just hard!!!

        I hope that we can connect. Can I send you my number/email via my email?! Let me know!

        Keep up the good fight! ❤️👏🏾😀

        Like

      • Kimberly Gedeon says:

        This is literally the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me! I really appreciate this. It’s all very encouraging! Sorry about the assholes that you dated … but you live and you learn right?

        Let me know your IG! I’d love to follow you 🙂

        Like

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