5 Reasons Women Aren’t Responding to You on Dating Apps

So why am I writing this?

I’ve about had it, up to here, with the absolute tragic performance by some men in trying to win over women on dating apps like Tinder, OkCupid, and Soul Swipe.

A lot of men don’t even realize that what they’re doing is obliterating their chances at getting the most desirable women to respond.

I’m here to fix that. Without much blathering, let’s break this down, shall we?

1. Your First Message to Her is Too F***ing Boring:


Image Credit: Kimberly Gedeon

DO NOT – I repeat, do not, launch your first message with openers like …



“What’s up?”

Why? The reasoning is simple: The conversation will go absolutely, positively NOWHERE. 

You basically killed the conversation before it even got started. Congratulations.

What’s going to happen is you’re going to say, “Hey,” and chances are, your match will already spot that this conversation is going to drag like a dead elephant, and she won’t respond.

And even if she DOES respond, it’s still of no advantage of you because the conversation will go like this:

Man: Hi

Woman: Hey

Man: Wassup?

Woman: Nothin.

Man: Oh ok.


What You Should Do to Get Women to Respond:

Always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS open up with a question! That’s it. It’s just that simple. Physically, you can be as ugly as ugly can be, but that doesn’t matter because people are just naturally drawn to respond to questions.

Get off your lazy butt, look at her profile, and ask a question derived from her tastes and likes.


You can be a sleazeball, think of ONE engaging, intriguing question, and copy and paste it as an opener for every match. It’ll work, but it’s not recommended – kind of a slimey move and there’s a small chance you might get caught (Trust me, I’ve seen it happen).

Examples of Questions:

“Wow, you love cooking … I wonder, what’s your favorite dish to whip up?”

“I see that you vacationed Australia recently … What did you love about it the most?

“What is something popular now that annoys you?”

“If you could pick a soundtrack to your life right now, what song would you choose?”

“What’s your guilty pleasure?”

“What’s the silliest fear you have?”

2. Never Ask ‘What Are You Doing?” or “What Are You Up To?”:


Image Credit: Kimberly Gedeon

“WYD” is the biggest conservation killer there is!

Now that you know how to open, you need to know how to maintain and uphold the conversation. And that includes never, ever, EVER ask, “what are you doing?” Or “what are you up to?”

What the F*** do you think she’s doing? She’s on Tinder messaging you! Chances are, she’s not doing anything remotely interesting to drum up an engaging conversation.

The problem with the “WYD” question is that you’re losing control of the conversation. She could give fun answer, but she could also offer a very mundane one, too. If she says, “Oh, I’m just chillin’.” You’re f***ed. How do you even respond to that and keep the conversation going at the same time?

Another problem with the “WYD” question? The woman knows that her answer can influence how engaging the conversation will be, and so she might feel pressured to exaggerate or fib to make herself look more interesting.

Because of that pressure, chances are, she won’t answer.


Ask about the past or the future – “real time” is boring.

Stimulate her mind by asking her questions like, “If you could go back 10 years into the past, what is something you would tell yourself?”

Tickle her intellectual spirit by inquiring about what does “success” look like for her in the future.

The reason these questions work is because it allows her to think about the past lessons she’s learned (how far she’s come) and also daydream about having a successful future, which puts her in a happier mood, and the fact that you put her in high spirits means she’s far more likely to keep talking to you.

You could also maintain the conversations by playing games like “Two Truths and a Lie.”



Image Credit: Kimberly Gedeon

“Oh, I hate these filing out these things. Just ask me whatever you want to know.”

Yeah, um, here’s the thing though …


If you at least said something like, “I skateboard every weekend, I love tacos, I’m ashamed to say that I love reality TV shows,” women are going to have something to bounce questions off of.

“Oh you like reality TV shows, huh,” she’ll say, “which ones?” Boom. You caught one in your net.

Many men may not give a f*** to read a profile, but guess what, a lot of women DO! If you haven’t noticed, women are not just interested in looks – they also want to know what makes you tick.


If your profile is too short, women will think that you apply this unmotivated attitude to other arenas of your life too, including the bedroom. And we don’t want that!

If your profile is way too long, women will think you’re a nutcase. It’s always the crazy ones that have a profile that could rival the Bible in size.

Find a healthy medium. Take the 15 minutes to write a decent profile – it’s a worthy investment since you’ll find that more women will not only respond to you, but also send the first message.

4. Your Profile Picture Sucks!


Image Credit: Kimberly Gedeon

I’ll just go down a list of the profile pictures that will have women running for the hills.

  • Your face is not being shown
  • Just a picture of your abs, again, with your face cut off
  • A picture with you and another girl
  • A picture of you with a group of women
  • A picture that’s overly edited that makes you look cartoonish and ridiculous
  • A picture with you and your man friends, and we can’t tell who’s who
  • A picture of an inaminate object
  • Mirror selfies

Can someone please, a man preferably, tell me what the heck is going through people’s minds that they think any of these are remotely attractive?

Abs are nice, but what’s your face lookin’ like though? And just because you’re posing with other women, that doesn’t make you seem “desirable.” NOPE, it makes you look like an insecure guy who only finds self-worth in the appearance of being surrounded by women (We all know it’s just an act).


Okay, so relationship experts will be like, “Show what you like doing in your photos! Post pictures of you zip-lining in Costa Rica and snowboarding in Canada!”


Honestly, you don’t need all that. Just don’t do any of the aforementioned sucky profile pictures, and you’ll be fine.

5. Bad Grammar and Spelling


Image Credit: Kimberly Gedeon

Bad grammar and spelling is associated with stupidity.

Some say “But it’s just textspeak!” Look, there’s nothing wrong with, “LOL. This is a fun conversation. Gotta go do something real quick, BRB.

But there IS something wrong with “Lulz. Dis iz a fun convasatian. got2go doo smting quuik. brb” *Shudder*


Just stop using bad grammar and spelling, unless moron is the look you’re going for, well then, keep on keepin’ on.

The Conclusion:

It’s not the “good-looking” guys that get girls on dating apps, it’s the guys that know how to “open.”

Women are perceptive. And like many people on dating apps, they will craft a full-fledged description of you just by scanning your profile, glancing at your photos, and observing your messaging behavior.

And the sad part is, you might not be any of those things she’s “picked up” on, but perception is reality. You might not be an idiot, but a chick will rule you out immediately after seeing you say, “wut r u deing?”


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